What hurt the most was knowing
You’re the person I’d want to call
Tag: thomas
post-call from Recoleta
you said you loved me because we were about to hang up and it was something you felt like you should do. because we always do.
whether or not it felt true
I know you still meant it
because of words exchanged
ages ago, what feels like so far away
that’s why they say it’s hard
that’s why they call it faith
I tell myself that I just have to breathe
& that I believe
that you’re not gonna leave
isn’t it wild how the hardest thing
is just trusting
that you love me, no matter what
whether or not I think deserve your love
// what’s love gotta do with it, when I don’t love myself?
waiting
watching this pot won’t help it boil
nor will turning up the heat
the more I check, the less I hope
as the bubbles show
the minutes grow
my message remains unreceived
post-call from Costa Rica
the way you talk when you’re vulnerable is full of pauses. you’re holding back so you don’t hurt. you say “I” and then you give a half laugh, your breath gets caught in your throat because you’re close to crying but you don’t want to let yourself, you second-guess yourself but you’re going to say it anyway – whatever it is. you’re so mad, you miss me, you’re sad or insecure or lost and don’t know how or what to do. because I hurt you
Light 3 – Sun
January 2018 – Costa Rica
The light disappeared slowly, then all at once over the horizon. It was like in the middle of the day when all I wanted was for the sun to go away because it was too strong and I didn’t want to burn but then it was gone
and I’m only left with stars
well, the fluorescent lights that replace them in the city night
that I thought were so pretty from afar
but they aren’t warm like you are
moments – rainy mornings
20 april 2018
I love rainy mornings
the kind where I can stay under covers
singing softly
about sweet things
If you were here,
I would nestle my head on your shoulder
we’d speak softly
about sweet things
in that place between sleeping and waking
where your breath is so peaceful
and the world is so silent
that I’m finally calm
so safe in your arms
But until then, I’ll write
soft words
about you
the sweetest thing of all
//
“I wanna know,
have you ever seen the rain?”
post-call from Panama
I, 12:15 AM, 6 February 2018:
Your hair sticks up & your eyes shine green w love & respect & admiration, so softly looking at me
and it’s so powerful. you have no idea how it feels to be looked at so lovingly, how it makes me want to be. I know you would do anything for me, you see & you love so very deeply
and I feel so warm and safe under your gaze, though I know you’re miles away. it’s the most spectacular thing, the best part of my life, still, to this day
II, 1:38 AM, 9 February, 2018:
because I never could have imagined this to be late night talks with the best of me.
talking through insecurities at midnight, cracking jokes during the daylight; spitting rhymes instead of goodbyes and your beautiful green/blue eyes transmitted thru low quality wifi.
I never could have imagined how happy this makes me feel, how what we have is still so wonderful and real. you’re still here, with me, regardless of the geography.
There are never words enough
but you will always be, my love
//
that’s the way every day goes, every time we have no control
If the sky is pink + white, everything will turn out alright
It’s the same way you showed me (shooowed me)
You showed me love
Glory from above
thoughts 