February 2017
“This Town” – Niall Horan / “Suburbia” – Troye Sivan
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after feeling it all fall apart with the boy upstairs, visions of Heathers dance in my head
as I lie in the darkness, alone in bed.
So scared of losing the God I used to idealize
I know I’m supposed to draw, or sleep, but all I can do is wait and play these two songs on repeat
Snow falls on the cold city outside my window
where everyone I care about
is out
without me
Night lights
blue black and purple-grey clouds
obscure the illusory love with fog and doubt
Nostalgia embedded in every street of the blue neighborhood in California I used to inhabit
Was it ever real? The love Lana sings about? The one that matters, the one that I so badly want to feel
I always think I have it
until a month goes by, and it’s no longer ride-or-die.
they were never what I wanted; it’s the idea I’ve always been in love with.
desperately mourning something that never was
thoughts 