post-call from Panama

I, 12:15 AM, 6 February 2018:

Your hair sticks up & your eyes shine green w love & respect & admiration, so softly looking at me
and it’s so powerful. you have no idea how it feels to be looked at so lovingly, how it makes me want to be. I know you would do anything for me, you see & you love so very deeply

and I feel so warm and safe under your gaze, though I know you’re miles away. it’s the most spectacular thing, the best part of my life, still, to this day

II, 1:38 AM, 9 February, 2018:

because I never could have imagined this to be late night talks with the best of me.

talking through insecurities at midnight, cracking jokes during the daylight; spitting rhymes instead of goodbyes and your beautiful green/blue eyes transmitted thru low quality wifi.

I never could have imagined how happy this makes me feel, how what we have is still so wonderful and real. you’re still here, with me, regardless of the geography.

There are never words enough
but you will always be, my love

//

that’s the way every day goes, every time we have no control
If the sky is pink + white, everything will turn out alright
It’s the same way you showed me (shooowed me)
You showed me love
Glory from above

moments – wild California skies

December 28, 2016 

Highway 101, on the drive home from Pinnacles National Park

John Denver, “Wild Montana Skies”

//

John Denver’s Rocky Mountain Collection twangs from the stereo of our Vovlo cross-country wagon, the car that always came with us no matter where we went. My six-foot-two brother is squeezed next to me in the backseat, going on about “family time” as we annoy my sister with our loud camp songs and attempt to beat our father at a car game we never won as kids. Small-town signs and palm trees silhouetted through the windows against the clear California sky.

The orange of the sunset fades to pink, then blue, then black. The stars are indistinguishable from the headlights on the highway the closer we get to home. The music gets louder and the conversation quiets, until it’s just me, thinking, watching my inky country fly by. John Denver sings softly about the American Dream, the world I grew up idealizing: hard work, family, the wild West. It makes me so hopeful for my future, grateful for my freedom.

My whole world is open roads & endless possibilities

// initial Instagram post:

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