play pretend

I had to sleep with you every night so I wouldn’t be alone with my thoughts

Together, we would pretend
to be happy, fun, and deep
until your breath softened and I knew you were asleep

Your life felt so happy, so calm
I kept myself too busy to think for too long

Maybe it was real
to some degree
but we had no real responsibility

Our love was summer camp
Pretend playing the people we wanted to be
It wasn’t reality

but you really did love me

If I had asked, would you have stayed with me?

//

I can’t see you being in my life again
but I’m so grateful you were then

post-call from Panama

I, 12:15 AM, 6 February 2018:

Your hair sticks up & your eyes shine green w love & respect & admiration, so softly looking at me
and it’s so powerful. you have no idea how it feels to be looked at so lovingly, how it makes me want to be. I know you would do anything for me, you see & you love so very deeply

and I feel so warm and safe under your gaze, though I know you’re miles away. it’s the most spectacular thing, the best part of my life, still, to this day

II, 1:38 AM, 9 February, 2018:

because I never could have imagined this to be late night talks with the best of me.

talking through insecurities at midnight, cracking jokes during the daylight; spitting rhymes instead of goodbyes and your beautiful green/blue eyes transmitted thru low quality wifi.

I never could have imagined how happy this makes me feel, how what we have is still so wonderful and real. you’re still here, with me, regardless of the geography.

There are never words enough
but you will always be, my love

//

that’s the way every day goes, every time we have no control
If the sky is pink + white, everything will turn out alright
It’s the same way you showed me (shooowed me)
You showed me love
Glory from above

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